Couples Therapy in Atlanta
Couples find themselves under significant pressure these days. The demands of work-life and the noise and distractions from social and other media means that couples have less time to spend together. Struggling couples often find it difficult to effectively communicate, which leads to increased conflict. At Foundation Psychiatry, couples will be thoroughly evaluated for their patterns of thinking and intercommunication. Faulty communication and other areas of need will be identified and treated. Couples who commit to treatment at Foundation Psychiatry will find a better quality and more satisfying relationship.
Posted by Avril James April 10, 2017
We Are Our Relationships
The word relationship has in its root, “relate”. A relationship is an opportunity to see ourselves through the eyes of another. It is an opportunity for selfless service and growth.
We all have different expectations for our relationships. Most of them are made from our attraction to about particular outcome: we expect loyalty, companionship, perhaps even financial support. Some of these expectations are stated when we commit to a relationship, some of them are implied—as in raising children. Furthermore, there are societal expectations and norms for where what kind of relationships we need to be in based on constructs such as: age, sex, race, and socioeconomic status.
Because each of us in complex, Relationships are, too. Like people, they evolve and have a lifespan. We are relationships. We are the result of relationships. We create and sever them. The Buddhist call this web: dependent origination. It’s also described as karma, which is not a cosmic reward and punishment system. It is the energy of action and consequence. It may sound ominous; yes, it is powerful. We have a responsibility to others. When we remember our connection, we can practice lovingkindness to everyone—even when they are antagonists.
It isn’t mere New Age psychobabble; numerous studies affirm that altruism, generosity, gratitude, and healthy relationships are associated with a better quality of life and improved overall wellness. Since our lives do not exist in a vacuum, it behooves us to work towards strengthening our relationships.
Fortifying our relationships is not about buying our loved ones a gift. It is a process of looking inside and confronting our own thoughts, emotions, and judgments. Even if we say all the right things, are we brewing under the surface? Meditation, as noted in my post, “Are You Too Busy to Meditate”, increases our familiarity with our habitual thought patterns. As we know our mind more completely we can seek to cultivate thoughts which are empowering.
Contemplation is a complimentary practice to meditation. While we discover our mind in meditation, we can program our mind in contemplation. In contemplation, we select an uplifting text, reading, or writing we hold sacred and read it with intentionality and sit with it in silence.
Atlanta Couples Therapy
One practice from the Buddhist and Yoga traditions is contemplation on the “Four Attitudes”:
• Friendliness: an attitude to cultivate with the most people we encounter
• Compassion: an attitude to cultivate with those who are suffering
• Gladness: an attitude to cultivate with those we are envious of
• Neutrality: an attitude to cultivate with those you have strong negative feelings towards
In a quiet space, recite the first attitude, out-loud, then in silence. Visualize a person who evokes this feeling in you. Breathe deeply while you hold their image in your mind-field. Allow the attitude to fill your heart and send the recipient your positive wishes. Repeat the process slowly with each of the remaining three attitudes. When you complete the process sit in silence for a few moments and notice any sensations or differences you feel.
This may be challenging at first—there is a saying, “lean into the sharp edges”. Some of us harbor extremely negative thoughts for those who have harmed us. This practice is not about remaining in unhealthy relationships. But, when we steep in prolonged enmity we are poisoning ourselves. The attitude of neutrality is about “not-hating”, as opposed to loving. If you can become neutral, you can remember those who instigate are in pain. Eventually you may progress to compassion for their suffering.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” Rumi
Posted by Dr. Tumeh, March 29, 2017
Being in a committed relationship is, in many ways, much more challenging today than in previous decades. People are more stressed and less equipped to manage the interpersonal challenges of daily life. While our spouse is often the most important source of support and stability, we often find them to be a source of stress and conflict in our lives. It is very important to carefully select one's spouse. Often times we see patients who did not spend enough time working through their own challenges and look for relief and even happiness in another person. While relationships can certainly bring us happiness, and while we are indeed interdependent beings, we also need to make sure that we do not seek a sense of fulfillment and well-being through others. It is better to work on ourselves, identify weaknesses and continue to address them. Once married, this effort continues, as we continue to grow together, support and nurture one another and sacrifice for the other.
Couples therapy can be a very effective way of working through our challenges, learning to listen more and becoming the best spouse you can be. In doing so, you will not only feel better but you will also create a more positive atmosphere for those around you. Make sure you are constantly communicating with your partner, about the good, the bad and the ugly. The more honest and open you are, the more likely you will be to find relief for yourself and your partner. It is often easier to withhold information or even flat out lie. The problem with this strategy is that it is ultimately ineffective. When we lie, we do so from a position of weakness. We are scared of the truth and prefer avoid the anxiety, shame, ridicule or whatever emotion or consequence we are afraid of experiencing. BUT, the good news is that by being honest about your feelings and your actions (including mistakes) and by clearly stating your opinion and desires, the outcome will turn out for the better. In fact, you will grow in confidence and in the understanding that the truth is always more effective than a lie. So, be honest and patient with one another. Once committed in marriage, nothing good will come out of infidelity. I often see patients whose spouse is unfortunately not being faithful and where the marriage is clearly heading in a bad direction. The temptation for the faithful spouse is to act as the other, i.e. to also be unfaithful. But doing so does not make anything better. Remember, two wrongs do NOT make a right. But don't let things reach that point. Come in and get treatment once things begin turning for the worse. As Benjamin Franklin said, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
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